Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
