Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
