You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
