Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
