Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
