this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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