Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
3 2 1 whiskey
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
