I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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