You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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