i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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