I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
