I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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