talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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