Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
