I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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