Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
