They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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