I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
