How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
