Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think my moral compass just broke
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
