So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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