Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That's intense
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
