my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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