nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
