some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
