my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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