I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
