Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
