oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I died a long time ago.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize