I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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