As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
