but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
