The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
