I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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