I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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