if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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