Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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