based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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