here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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