Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
