bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
