I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
