Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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