Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
