you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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