Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
