Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
