I seem to have left my pride at pride
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
