is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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