He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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