It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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