and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize