She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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