i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
