mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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