My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
