Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
