My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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