Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
