i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
