If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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