if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
