I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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