that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
