Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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