left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
