is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
