Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
