Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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