were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
