genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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