my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
